Coworker Nicknames

This is what happens when I am trying to avoid working…I name my co-workers.

Office Mates:

Nipples: Obese man who views himself as having some sort of power since he is further up the ‘ladder’ than the rest of us. Doesn’t realize that as he gains weight he should buy larger shirts because as his belly exapnds, his shirts get tighter and shorter. Has a laugh that would make Fran Drescher cringe.

Throat Clearer: Sits in the office next to me...clears her throat over 200xs a day - I know...I counted.

Mouth: Older woman who rarely works and makes no secret of it. Louder than all of the rest of us combined. Boss is afraid of her. She just walks around talking about how she reads her bible in her office, goes on walks, participates in the Black Heritage committee, works her phone tree/prayer chain a couple of times a week, etc etc – she also will just bust out with random things about how she hasn’t done anything that day. She doesn’t get in trouble b/c our boss just tries to pretend she isn’t there I think.

The Boss: Resembles a ostrich in that he wants to bury his head and avoid confrontation. Refuses to actually manage anyone. Thinks awkward humor is the solution to any problem.

The Boss Part Deux: The Boss’ boss. Pretty much his mirror image. Trained him to wave to me rather than speak to me in the hallway. I told him that I don’t like to talk a lot and that’s why I like IM and email so now he either just nods and waves or he will pretend to type and nod his head – completely hilarious!

Giggles: Technically Nipples’ equivalent, giggles – a lot. Expecting her 3rd child soon and is slowly slipping under Killer’s crazy pregnancy regime. Killer is a FANATIC about pregnancy. No pop. No caffeine. No lunch meat. No strenuous activity. No losing weight. No….etc etc etc it goes on and on and on and on….plus everything in life revolves around kids and marriage.

Killer: Thus named by departing cast members because she refused to steal a truck in a hypothetic situation to save her children from a flood. Thinks people who haven’t had babies couldn’t possibly understand anything about pregnancy.

Mid-Life Crisis (MLC for short): In her 30s and wears skirts so short most people would bar their tweens from trying them on. Woah.

The Lucky Ones: departed cast members hahahahaha

?????: Me (I need a nickname for myself)